THIS GLORIOUS HOUSE

hi babes.

it’s been a bit, huh?

lots of processing and healing and (I’ll be real) just plain craziness going down over here. and it’s GOOD. I’ve got some insane stuff that I’m currently working on which will be coming at you next month… and it is honestly just the culmination of some of the biggest dreams & greatest fears of my heart that I didn’t even know I had, y’all. so you’re not gonna want to miss it.

I thought it might be profitable for me to let you into the sweetness that is this journey for me, and to break open some of that breathlessness that has been rebuilding me…

because sometimes I need to be reminded that what comes to me is for me. that what takes part in my deconstruction does, by default, take part in my rebuilding. that all the things that are happening in me now are working to make a greater and more purposeful future that is so worth living.

what about you?

DSC_0205

I love the visualization of being the dwelling place of Grace & Truth.. a house in which the Divine feels at home… a residence for the Spirit of Peace. that is a picture that has always just spoken to me really deeply. and what’s lovely is that in the book of Haggai I get this whole new insight into what that could mean, into what it must mean, as I read about the people of God rebuilding the temple.

“the future glory of this house will be greater than the past glory… and in this place I will give you peace…” Haggai 2:9

Continue reading “THIS GLORIOUS HOUSE”

Advertisements

PALMS OPEN

hi beauties. I love you guys so much.

today I have a really important chat for y’all. it’s not only timely for Palm Sunday, but it’s a valuable & precious mantra for a lifetime. yeah. it’s that piercing.

when Jesus entered the city, the people waved palm branches & blessed Him, and later on they received Jesus Himself on the cross. today we open our palms to bless Him still & receive His goodness and blessing.

there’s a term we use in yoga: “palms up to receive.”

as we sit in meditation, or pause, steady in our breath, in a pose full of difficulty, we often remind ourselves or our students to simply turn our hands so our palms face up- a posture of surrender, openness, and release.

it’s a softness, a gentleness, a simplicity in the midst of spiritual tension. it’s an offering in the midst of emotional scarcity. it’s a song of sweetness in the screaming bitter season of the soul.

this is our Palm Sunday everyday.

this is our silent shout of hosanna, defiant in the chaos of a world shrieking with fear & demanding our worry and panic. Continue reading “PALMS OPEN”

FOR THE BRUISED & BUSTED UP

hey there family.

how’s your heart doing? how does life feel against your skin? how’s the weight on your shoulders?

heavy?

yeah… me, too.

because I’ve been struggling real fierce with the weight lately. with the heaviness of all that the world is. all that the Way is. all the healing and woundedness in the world.

I’ve been taking more pauses for deep breaths meant to cleanse and pause and bring shalom into my heart. more because there’s more to breathe against. more to fear. more wounds to bind up.

17156350_10210225655531679_5731683312715522163_n

the world is heavy, and the weight is fearsome, and the depth of the rawness of our humanity is leagues and leagues more so than the ocean. and we must find a way to breathe through it, to surrender to the healing, even as the arrows pierce our hearts.

and all the bitter hypocrisy, all the callous & graceless acts of others, all the hard work for more disappointment, all the exhaustion and survival, all the confusion and frustration of WHY IS THIS THE WAY IT IS… sometimes it just leaves me bruised & busted up in my soul. Continue reading “FOR THE BRUISED & BUSTED UP”

THE ROAD TO BETHLEHEM IS ALWAYS BITTER… BUT CHRISTMAS IS ALWAYS READY WHEN YOU NEED IT

with Christmas just around the corner (yup, just 26 days…!) and all of the merry hustle and bustle that we love to get swept up in, it can be hard to wrap our heads around the distinct and glaring contrast of the peace that the holiday represents with the unrest and injustice going on in our world today.

I’ve noticed that everyone seems to be in a hurry to get Christmas HAPPENING this year. people seem to be putting up their trees and decorations early, more facebook statuses than usual have been posted with an open longing for the season to begin, and it seems that Christmas music was blaring a couple weeks sooner than it typically is.

I don’t think this is chance- I think there’s a very communal and vocal desperation for the beauty of Christmas this year that hasn’t been quite so loud in recent ones. I think our hearts recognize the reverence and sacredness of Christmas, and this year we’re starved for it. we’re stuffed full of shock and sadness and the ugly unapproachable-ness of our current reality, and we’re just so ready for a little peace and hope and rescuing.

28

I think this is where we need to be.  Continue reading “THE ROAD TO BETHLEHEM IS ALWAYS BITTER… BUT CHRISTMAS IS ALWAYS READY WHEN YOU NEED IT”

NO EXIT STRATEGY

I’ll be honest with you.

tonight is one of those nights where I’m coming to my keyboard for my own healing. where I’m just hitting the keys and letting all the things stopping up my heart flow free because I can’t choke them back anymore. where I’m coming unfiltered, simply as I am, shaking under mercy. where I’m working out the kinks and tangles of a tossed-up heart.

I’ve been kind of a wreck today. it seems that in almost every area of my life there is strain. there is a push-back. there is tension. there is woundedness uncared for and an insensitive rubbing of the deepest parts of me. again and again over these past few weeks I’ve been forced to lean into the pain, lean into the theatrics, lean into the very real instances where I have come with hands open and left still empty.

so are the times.

space5bw

my body is breaking down, getting ill yet again from the exhaustion of both physical and emotional stamina that’s been strained and drawn out. and tonight all I’ve wanted, all I’ve been capable of, has been sitting on the sofa with a blank stare. it’s a theme, you know… getting to the end of myself.

and so here I am, just as I am- seeking truth in the spilled-out thoughts, flipping slowly and painfully through my dearest copy of Scripture, opening up the journal I kept this spring when newness and freedom seemed so possible.

but it doesn’t anymore, and I feel empty and angry and sad. and no matter where I go, coast to coast my heart feels like an outcast under steeples and in good company. and I don’t understand why Divine Love keeps leading me here, sick-to-my-stomach disturbed and lonely.

and this is what I find written in my own handwriting… Continue reading “NO EXIT STRATEGY”

MONDAY MANTRA // WE’RE BRAVELY BECOMING

today, for our day off, J and I got coffee and then drove the 2 hours out to Hurricane Ridge. we hiked it almost all the way, and drove the twisty roads back down the mountain to flat, straight road once again. 

you will only realize that this is a big deal if you are one of the few who know me well.

mountain roads terrify me. the edges of trails where you can look down the plummeting mountainside to the valley below are SCARY. and yet, I love mountains and rocks and trees. I love the wide expanse looking out over the peaks and folds of earth and soaking in the bigness of it all. but I’ve never had either the opportunity nor the gumption to hike a mountain until we moved to the Pacific Northwest. 

I may have ridden in the backseat and closed my eyes during the final trek of road. I may have not made it all the way up the last nearly-vertical stretch of path. I may have not had the courage to dangle my legs over empty expanse. 

but I had the courage to go. to do a thing that scared me. to look it in the face and decide the reward was worth the risk. 


today was all about making the next right move in the journey to bravely become. 

and that’s what matters. 

Monday Mantra // bravely become

If you’re not growing- not becoming -then what you’re doing isn’t worth it. let’s carve out space for becoming this week, and continuously preach the truth to ourselves- bravely become

it’s all about breathing into the tight spaces and making more room for the person you are meant to be. it’s all about holding space for your own healing and being gentle with the process of breaking down and building up. if you’re doing that, you’re doing it right!

I wrote a whole 21-day Scripture study about this that will be available for pre-order this SATURDAY if you want to begin to make a whole-hearted commitment to this idea of becoming. I’m so excited about it all!

happy Monday, and happy new week to you all.

the only thing that should matter to Christians about the Orlando Massacre

My heart hurts.

it hurts because over a hundred men and women were maimed or brutally killed this past weekend.
it hurts because these were people… people with souls and parents and loved ones and beating hearts.

I’m scared, too.

I’m scared because the hatred for the LGBTQ community that fueled this killing is one that is present and so vaguely masked by pretended “holiness” and “righteousness” in our churches.
I’m scared because I know people who say ugly things born out of that hatred.
I’m scared because it’s obvious that we the church have no idea how to actually act like Christ as opposed to making a hobby out of turning differences into hatred.

It’s obvious in the comments I see on facebook that turn this sacred time of mourning and weeping and grieving into a religious battle or political war-ground.

don’t be foolish.

orlando

With it [our tongue] we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. //James 3:9//

because, and please listen carefully, claiming to follow Jesus doesn’t make you the only one who matters. Continue reading “the only thing that should matter to Christians about the Orlando Massacre”

how to rest (a totally useless guide)

so I haven’t written much since I returned from my holy yoga training retreat, except to update you all who were so sweetly and so diligently covering me in prayer. (you are the BEST, y’all.) But here’s a little peak into the wild and holy work that went on in my soul that week… Consider that (along with the history of this blog 😉 ) your disclaimer.

you have been warned. proceed with caution.

it all started with the flight. boarding scared & doing it afraid, and being so utterly terrified that I just curled into a ball, stuck my headphones in, and listened to music about God carrying me as the plane took off. miraculously, no panic pills were involved. so great, right?!
hoyomin2
((photo from the HOYO family facebook page- not mine))

after a whirlwind night meeting people for the first time, only to bunk with them about ten minutes later (only through Jesus, y’all), and rushing back to the airport to reconvene with the rest of the HOYO sisterhood that was arriving for retreat, and bumping along the Arizona desert for 3 hours, and moving into our cabins & going through our first flow as a group… Sunday was killer, guys.

and Monday and Tuesday were hellish. yeah. I said it. constantly moving from dawn to long after dusk on little sleep, high elevation, and surrounded by people I had never met before. (and all the introverts draw a collective gasp of horror, as the extroverts are thinking I must have intended to type heavenly). I honestly wasn’t sure I’d survive the week at that point.

and then Tuesday night hit, and I’m lying in savasana on a hard wood gym floor, only separated by a thin yoga mat, surrounded by quiet breathing and muffled sniffles, staring up at the dimmed lights and orange glow of the heaters, thinking, “what the hell have I done? I’m so utterly exhausted. I don’t understand. I thought I was called to this. but no, I’m still exhausted… just like I have been for the past year of my life. it never ends, and God you still don’t give me any sort of strength, for some reason that continues to infuriate and frustrate my ever-loving mind.”

hoyomin
((photo from the HOYO facebook page- not mine))

and then the touch came. soft and subtle, the hands of a kind friend massaging my scalp, pressing into my shoulders… and her voice: Continue reading “how to rest (a totally useless guide)”

Why just showing up is the most important thing you can do

Just. Show. Up.

It doesn’t even matter how you show up, but show up. Keep showing up every day, every minute. The second you stop showing up is when apathy and numbness set in.

So keep showing up.

keep showing up.jpg

To life. To your quiet time. To the hard thing. To other people. To the healing work. To the fun. To what scares you. To the people who make you angry. To the situation that is good for you under all the muck.

Just. Show. Up.

Show up angry, messy, hurt, disheveled, broken, raw. Show up as yourself. Show up happy, confused, wondering, hopeful, in pain. Show up as who you are, and as no one else.

Wholeness requires your whole mess.” ~Brooke Boon

Show up every single minute of every day, and keep showing up no matter what. Even if you’re judged for it, criticized, looked down on. Because there are others who are looking for the courage to show up, and you showing up in all your messiness might be how they find the courage to show up in theirs.

Show up. Always in all ways. Whoever you are, bring that person. That person needs it desperately. Showing up is how that person finds courage, freedom, grace, healing… Showing up is how you become yourself. Showing up is wherein you find the strength & peace & hope you didn’t know God would or could give you.

Show up. And keep showing up. It’s the most important thing you can do.

Let the arrows fly- a lesson in healing & freedom

Let’s get something straight: sometimes in this ugly, broken world, our hearts are punctured by brutality and injustice inflicted upon us- either intentional or not. As often as not, we are punctured by the church. Though this is not the way it should be- not the way it was designed to be– it is the way it is.

In those moments of acute and stinging pain, it can feel like arrows aimed at our souls, at the soft and carefully hidden pin-points of our insecurities, and the wounds carved out by these arrows go immeasurably deep, are unspeakably painful. It can leave us breathless, pincushioned by shafts of carefully aimed lies, protruding from our chests.

I know this, sweet friend.

And sometimes, it’s the same arrow. Sometimes, it’s the same lie. Sometimes, it’s the same spot, scarred over from dozens of attacks, that gets split open once again. 

See, sometimes we think we’re safe- that after this vast array of identical scars in the same exact spot, we can’t possibly withstand another. But then it comes. And what then?

let the arrows fly

I’ve been there, too. The enemy has one lie that he’s constantly shooting, wailing through the air, at my heart.one lie that he’s used God’s church to attempt to hammer into me my whole life: Continue reading “Let the arrows fly- a lesson in healing & freedom”