it’s been a bit, huh?
lots of processing and healing and (I’ll be real) just plain craziness going down over here. and it’s GOOD. I’ve got some insane stuff that I’m currently working on which will be coming at you next month… and it is honestly just the culmination of some of the biggest dreams & greatest fears of my heart that I didn’t even know I had, y’all. so you’re not gonna want to miss it.
I thought it might be profitable for me to let you into the sweetness that is this journey for me, and to break open some of that breathlessness that has been rebuilding me…
because sometimes I need to be reminded that what comes to me is for me. that what takes part in my deconstruction does, by default, take part in my rebuilding. that all the things that are happening in me now are working to make a greater and more purposeful future that is so worth living.
what about you?
I love the visualization of being the dwelling place of Grace & Truth.. a house in which the Divine feels at home… a residence for the Spirit of Peace. that is a picture that has always just spoken to me really deeply. and what’s lovely is that in the book of Haggai I get this whole new insight into what that could mean, into what it must mean, as I read about the people of God rebuilding the temple.
“the future glory of this house will be greater than the past glory… and in this place I will give you peace…” Haggai 2:9
Continue reading “THIS GLORIOUS HOUSE”
goodness is doing its work in me, and it’s face looks a lot like trial.
every time I go to the beach I spend the first day clinging to the sand. terrified of the waves and the way they crash, white foam sputtering, into themselves. flinging bits of sand and seaweed into the salty air. thrashing upon the shore like violent fists coming down hard on a pillow of gritty sand.
perhaps it’s childish. perhaps I’m just not very brave.
but they scare me at first. every time. no matter how old I get.
I imagine getting thrashed and pummeled by those angry fists of water and foam. imagine getting dragged like a rake through turbulent under-currents. just thinking about it sends little spurts of anxiety, like lightning, through my chest.
ah, yes. goodness is doing its work in me, and it feels a lot like being drowned, sputtering and gurgling, to the bottom of a swirling ocean.
and if I’m honest… the shore feels so much safer, so much objectively smarter, so much kinder to a battered & waterlogged heart.
but the sand is only smooth from being softened.
and I am only gentle from being rubbed the wrong way till all my sharp edges are gone. Continue reading “SOFTENED LIKE SAND”
hey there family.
how’s your heart doing? how does life feel against your skin? how’s the weight on your shoulders?
yeah… me, too.
because I’ve been struggling real fierce with the weight lately. with the heaviness of all that the world is. all that the Way is. all the healing and woundedness in the world.
I’ve been taking more pauses for deep breaths meant to cleanse and pause and bring shalom into my heart. more because there’s more to breathe against. more to fear. more wounds to bind up.
the world is heavy, and the weight is fearsome, and the depth of the rawness of our humanity is leagues and leagues more so than the ocean. and we must find a way to breathe through it, to surrender to the healing, even as the arrows pierce our hearts.
and all the bitter hypocrisy, all the callous & graceless acts of others, all the hard work for more disappointment, all the exhaustion and survival, all the confusion and frustration of WHY IS THIS THE WAY IT IS… sometimes it just leaves me bruised & busted up in my soul. Continue reading “FOR THE BRUISED & BUSTED UP”
there’s a beautiful portion of Scripture that never fails to leave me just a little bit breathless & a lotta bit refreshed. it never fails to ground my soul deeper into the sweetest Foundation and put my heart to flight. seriously you guys. this is one conversation I am PUMPED to have with you, fam!
check this out from Mark chapter 5…
there came from the ruler’s house some who said, “Your daughter is dead. Why trouble the Teacher any further?” But overhearing what they said, Jesus said to the ruler of the synagogue, “Do not fear, only believe.” …and Jesus saw a commotion, people weeping and wailing loudly. And when he had entered, he said to them, “Why are you making a commotion and weeping? The child is not dead but sleeping.” And they laughed at him. But he put them all outside and took the child’s father and mother and those who were with him and went in where the child was. Taking her by the hand he said to her, “Talitha cumi,” which means, “Little girl, I say to you, arise.” And immediately the girl got up and began walking, and they were immediately overcome with amazement.
okay. lots, lots, lots to unpack here. (major understatement, amiright?) 😉 let’s tackle this.
we’re walking into a family in crisis here. there’s a little girl who is dying, and her family is terrified.
ever been there in the total chaos of the soul? ever been there in the dying or the deadness of your spirit? Continue reading “LITTLE GIRL, ARISE”
today, for our day off, J and I got coffee and then drove the 2 hours out to Hurricane Ridge. we hiked it almost all the way, and drove the twisty roads back down the mountain to flat, straight road once again.
you will only realize that this is a big deal if you are one of the few who know me well.
mountain roads terrify me. the edges of trails where you can look down the plummeting mountainside to the valley below are SCARY. and yet, I love mountains and rocks and trees. I love the wide expanse looking out over the peaks and folds of earth and soaking in the bigness of it all. but I’ve never had either the opportunity nor the gumption to hike a mountain until we moved to the Pacific Northwest.
I may have ridden in the backseat and closed my eyes during the final trek of road. I may have not made it all the way up the last nearly-vertical stretch of path. I may have not had the courage to dangle my legs over empty expanse.
but I had the courage to go. to do a thing that scared me. to look it in the face and decide the reward was worth the risk.
today was all about making the next right move in the journey to bravely become.
and that’s what matters.
Monday Mantra // bravely become
If you’re not growing- not becoming -then what you’re doing isn’t worth it. let’s carve out space for becoming this week, and continuously preach the truth to ourselves- bravely become.
it’s all about breathing into the tight spaces and making more room for the person you are meant to be. it’s all about holding space for your own healing and being gentle with the process of breaking down and building up. if you’re doing that, you’re doing it right!
I wrote a whole 21-day Scripture study about this that will be available for pre-order this SATURDAY if you want to begin to make a whole-hearted commitment to this idea of becoming. I’m so excited about it all!
happy Monday, and happy new week to you all.
this topic is the worst you guys.
no really, I actually hate it.
knowing the difference between a toxic person & a person you just don’t gel with is sometimes really tough. and in our “It’s all about MEEEEE” world, it’s easy to just start labeling people without much wisdom or thought. definitely not cool. (also, you would kind of start to become that toxic “label-er”, and no one wants to be that guy.)
so, here are 6 signs your friend is toxic… with strategies to set you (both) free ❤
1.) THE PROBLEM: the “too busy for you” toxic friend
she only texts you when she’s having a bad day, only calls you when disaster strikes, only wants to hang out when the world is ending. but they make sure to let you know that you’re crazy for thinking that. she’s just busy, right? there’s just a lot going on right now… surely you understand?
THE STRATEGY: don’t let their bad days run your life. they only contact you because they know you’re the only one who will drop everything to come to their aid… even though you haven’t talked in months.
if you’re busy, let them know. “sorry, I can’t help right now, but let me see what’s on my calendar, and I will let you know.”
set a time. don’t let them suck you in for hours on end. spend the time on them that you would with anyone else, and then go on with what you have to do.
Continue reading “getting free from the bondage of TOXIC PEOPLE (what no one tells you)”
Let’s get something straight: sometimes in this ugly, broken world, our hearts are punctured by brutality and injustice inflicted upon us- either intentional or not. As often as not, we are punctured by the church. Though this is not the way it should be- not the way it was designed to be– it is the way it is.
In those moments of acute and stinging pain, it can feel like arrows aimed at our souls, at the soft and carefully hidden pin-points of our insecurities, and the wounds carved out by these arrows go immeasurably deep, are unspeakably painful. It can leave us breathless, pincushioned by shafts of carefully aimed lies, protruding from our chests.
I know this, sweet friend.
And sometimes, it’s the same arrow. Sometimes, it’s the same lie. Sometimes, it’s the same spot, scarred over from dozens of attacks, that gets split open once again.
See, sometimes we think we’re safe- that after this vast array of identical scars in the same exact spot, we can’t possibly withstand another. But then it comes. And what then?
I’ve been there, too. The enemy has one lie that he’s constantly shooting, wailing through the air, at my heart.one lie that he’s used God’s church to attempt to hammer into me my whole life: Continue reading “Let the arrows fly- a lesson in healing & freedom”
as Thanksgiving not-so-slowly creeps up on us (um, ONE WEEK what?!), and we begin the frantic dance of whose house, which recipes, can you take off work, the cousins are flying in… etc, etc… I thought that now would be a good time to pause and truly be thankful for the nitty gritty.
not my friends and family (though I’m out-of-this-world thankful for them, too), not my job (though God really blesses us through it), not any of the other overly-rehearsed phrases & answers you can repeat without batting an eye… the real, the hard, the in-between that we don’t always share and aren’t always content with or proud of.
can we stop and be thankful for that, too?
I’m going to.
and here are 5 reasons that you should, too: Continue reading “5 reasons to be thankful for where you are & who you are RIGHT NOW”
“do you want to be healed?”
I can’t count the number of times Christians have pointed me to the scripture in John 5. ah yes, the man who had been ill for 38 years. the man to whom Jesus so gently, powerfully said “pick up your mat, and walk!”
they’ve pointed me there and echoed it… “do you want to be healed?”
I never really know how to respond. so often their well-intended words feel like a stinging slap across the aching surface of my soul.
do I want to be healed?
oh, gee, I don’t know, I’ve never thought about it before. hmm, let me see…
are you kidding me?! do I want to be healed?
for years, I’ve not just wanted… I’ve pleaded. begged. sobbed, rocking on my bedroom floor to be healed. I believe in the deepest parts of my soul that God can heal me!
and yet I’m told “you need faith!”
oh, Christian, I have faith. through my deepest sorrows and blackest nights of the soul, I have gained more faith than many people I know.
sometimes, faith isn’t the answer. Continue reading “when faith isn’t the answer”