THIS GLORIOUS HOUSE

hi babes.

it’s been a bit, huh?

lots of processing and healing and (I’ll be real) just plain craziness going down over here. and it’s GOOD. I’ve got some insane stuff that I’m currently working on which will be coming at you next month… and it is honestly just the culmination of some of the biggest dreams & greatest fears of my heart that I didn’t even know I had, y’all. so you’re not gonna want to miss it.

I thought it might be profitable for me to let you into the sweetness that is this journey for me, and to break open some of that breathlessness that has been rebuilding me…

because sometimes I need to be reminded that what comes to me is for me. that what takes part in my deconstruction does, by default, take part in my rebuilding. that all the things that are happening in me now are working to make a greater and more purposeful future that is so worth living.

what about you?

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I love the visualization of being the dwelling place of Grace & Truth.. a house in which the Divine feels at home… a residence for the Spirit of Peace. that is a picture that has always just spoken to me really deeply. and what’s lovely is that in the book of Haggai I get this whole new insight into what that could mean, into what it must mean, as I read about the people of God rebuilding the temple.

“the future glory of this house will be greater than the past glory… and in this place I will give you peace…” Haggai 2:9

Continue reading “THIS GLORIOUS HOUSE”

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here’s the thing about joy…

I’ve been thinking pretty far back lately.

pain makes me nostalgic, and my physical stresses and mental stressors have been hard at work making me uncomfortable lately.
sometimes it brings back other things with it, too.

I’ve grown up a lot since those rough-and-tumble middle school, high school years.
but sometimes there are things your mind carries.
sometimes your brain hangs on tight to wild memories of pain and perfection, of beauty and grief, and there are moments in which it is all reflected upon.

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                                    // photo circa late 2011- my years of journals //

no matter the change in my heart’s climate, there are a few things which have remained, with very few exceptions-
a fast hold onto the truth,
a throbbing empathy,
a moment-by-moment tussle with anxiety…
and that other one…

the fact that joy (oh that most pleasant of comandments!) and I have never been great friends. Continue reading “here’s the thing about joy…”

merry christmas. happy holidays. // tumbling thoughts from a bothered Jesus-lover

ah, Christmas… the season of love.
of giving.
of thankfulness.
of grace.
of basking in amazement that we have recieved the greatest of all gifts.

…..

of a muffled “o holy night” while fighting back irritation at the eight-year-old waving his candle around during the Christmas Eve service
of “this idiot driver needs a lesson on what forty-five-miles-an-hour-means”
of “so help me, I will say MERRY CHRISTMAS, even if by doing so I offend, hurt, and judge you!” (oops, did I type that?)
of pristine, uncluttered manger scenes.

good. grief.

for some reason, this year, in the midst of what should be the season where we as Christ-followers are filled with the most awe-inspired mercy than ever else, I am seeing more hatred, more stubbornness, more outrageous shows of self-righteousness, and more division than seemingly ever before. Continue reading “merry christmas. happy holidays. // tumbling thoughts from a bothered Jesus-lover”

yeah, ninety-nine percent of you is an incredible liar

I am so burdened.

I have a heavy-weight heartache.

my soul is hurting for us. for those of us who have bought the ninety-nine percent lie. that sweet-to-the-tongue, just-hard-enough-to-be-believeable lie.

yeah, ninety-nine percent of you is an incredible liar.

yeah, ninety-nine percent of me has been, too.

and Jesus says fear is the beginning of wisdom, and we say, nah just respect, because we are afraid of what He might mean.

and His word says that the faithful loved not their lives, even unto death, and we love not our lives, even unto being praised for it.

and Jesus endured the cross, despising it’s shame! and we endure the accidentally burned dinner, the messy home, embracing complaints and frustration.

and Jesus says whoever follows him must deny themselves. pick up the burden of the gospel. follow Him. 

one. hundred. percent.

and paul bleeds the soul of his creator onto paper when he says

whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith…

and somehow we still feel really really good about our ninety nine percent that does its quiet time and leads a bible study and raises its hands during worship and prays over the missionaries who spoke at its church that serve in india and is terrified that Jesus will send it there or tell it to leave everything or heaven-forbid sacrifice its very life for Him because that’s just a little outside our ninety-nine-percent mark.

ugh.

can you feel it? Continue reading “yeah, ninety-nine percent of you is an incredible liar”

this is the heart + i cried in starbucks today

I cried in starbucks today.

yup.

my bogo salted caramel mocha was not what drew the salty tears from my eyes, however.

I cried because I happened upon the great pattern of all the glory of holiness. the mystery of the beauty of dwelling. the shaky breath of the air of faith where messy eyes and starving hands collide in the discovery of grace upon grace. in the seeing of glory. in the baring of aching souls to truth.

I cried because this is real and this is living and this is the whole all of everything

++and the word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory– glory as of the only son of the father. full of grace and truth… from his fullness we have all received grace upon grace.++
//john 1:14&16//

ugh.

we must see the glory. we must walk in it. we must continue seeing it because it is worth seeing.

it is worth seeing.

doesn’t your soul ache with the grace? doesn’t your heart fill up and spill over? doesn’t your spirit kneel?

the grand story of all things
the pattern of all the glory of holiness
this is the heart

this is the heart of God.

the glory is worth seeing because the glory is the heart of God.

from his fullness we have all received grace upon grace

grace upon grace upon grace upon grace upon grace upon grace upon grace upon grace upon grace upon grace upon grace upon grace upon grace upon grace

and suddenly I’m again giggling nervous with a generous blush.
and the rush is around me and the lace and the smiles and the adorned faces.
heavy air. heavy with promise. heavy with anticipation.
and I am so close to awakened.
the world suspended in cloudy white and it’s over my head
and the hands are clutched, and the tears are happy, and the faces are famliar.
oh the joy!
the grip is strong from friend to friend in the shaky, hopeful soon
and all the trees are singing
and the music is just behind them
glimpses here and there…
the beautiful feet.
and in a rib-stifling happy the veil is gone
the bridegroom is there.

I remember it. I treasure the glowing, soaring now in the deep places of my heart.

the delighted running and screaming, hands clasped, from the altar.
the close and tender hold on one another.
the celebration.

it’s happening again.
it’s happening for real.
it’s happening with greater joy in the shaky, hopeful soon.

oh, bride, not much longer now.

oh, bride, it’s close.

when we arrive at eternity’s shore
where death is just a memory, and tears are no more
we’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring
your bride will come together
and we’ll sing ‘you’re beautiful’*

the glory.
it’s beautiful.

bride, be marvelous.

may your beauty be your righteousness.

may your beauty be your seeing the glory.

be ready, bride.

don’t fall down the aisle in false and un-truth.

fall on your knees down the aisle in grace upon grace upon grace.

hallelujah.

 

 

 

 

*lyrics You’re Beautiful by Phil Whickham