y’all, I’ve tried.

I’ve tried to be the magical unicorn of marital perfection. unfortunately, after several attempts at the trophy, I wound up more like the wifely version of a gimpy llama. meh. sorry, babe. (xoxo)

but for real… not all of us are unicorns. #amiright

especially this gal.

I’d like to think I’m a pro after 2 1/2 years of marriage *wink* (and honestly our relationship is a beautifully rock-solid & giddy part of my life), but… who am I kidding. mostly what I’ve learned through experience is like… REAL DIFFERENT from what I was told before we got married.

the things I’ve learned in this wonderfully messy hands-on experiment of loving another human being have been contrary to what I thought it would be, unique to what the majority of people told me it would be, and so much freakin’ better than anything I could have imagined.


honestly, most of what I’ve learned through experience, in contrast to what I was informed by countless others that wifehood would be like… is how to be a bad wife.

the things I was told would be expected of me, the things I was told make up the DNA of a “good wife” (whatever that means)… well, I don’t seem to have most of those things. I don’t seem to have the attention to detail, the naturally submissive nature, the perfectly clean home, the desire to let myself disappear into a new role.

it seems that those of us women with strong personalities or deep passions or huge dreams or “other” than the average stereotypical wife are left out of the equation. it seems that, according to tradition & expectation, we’re doomed to be “bad” wives. I’ve seen really phenomenal women shut down because they’re too loud or too independent or too opinionated or too not-feminine or too unemotional or too spontaneous or too whatever-doesn’t-fit-our-perfect-model-of-wifelyness. and while all of our qualities have the potential to overrun us and define us in unhealthy ways, there is no personality trait that is inherently bad or in any way disqualifies a woman from being an outstanding human being… let alone a fantastic wife.

well, if that’s you, then firstly… you’re in good company, because we are all different, and the way we love our husbands SHOULD look different.
and secondly… here is your personal guide for how to be a bad wife. possibly the worst 😉

yup. here’s the proof of just how bad a wife I am.




yup, I’ll admit it, y’all…this is a totally, completely, 100% biased post (heehee!) but I’m not paid to write it… I just happen to love this topic! 😉

you see, in this house, essential oils are our jam- we use these bad boys for eeeeverything (and I mean everything.), and they’ve totally changed the game for us when it comes to overall wellness. I’m talking HUGE changes in our anxiety levels, easier & deeper sleep at night (for a gal with insomnia!), colds & sicknesses nipped in the bud, and better concentration & inspiration at both work and play.

even my super-skeptical hubby is a HUGE FAN of them now, and he uses them as much (if not more!!!) than I do. no, really. his peeps in the church band are always asking him why he smells so good! Haha!

it took me & J over a year to finally take the leap and join the Young Living team, and I seriously wish we’d done it sooner. he was skeptical of oils in general, and I was skeptical if it was worth the initial start-up cost of  $160 to purchase my starter kit.

how often would we actually use them?
would they actually work for us?
how quickly would we run out and have to re-stock… and how much money would that look like?
what would we even use them for- there’s so many, it’s overwhelming!
is it really worth the investment?

so we purchased one or two things here and there, and did lots of research, and slowly our eyes opened as we started to see the difference even just our three little bottles of essential oils were making.


so, I’m no stranger to skepticism when it comes to essential oils! if that’s you- you’re in good company, my friend 🙂 in this post, I aim to help you work through some of that skepticism: I’ll share my daily oils routine, as well as some thoughts on WHY they work, and how, for us, they’ve become an invaluable part of our daily life… in just a few short weeks! Continue reading “MY DAILY ESSENTIAL OILS ROUTINE… AND WHY THEY’RE WORTH THE INVESTMENT (FROM A SKEPTIC)”


it’s about that time again! 🙂

for the past two years I’ve been sharing with you all what I’m putting in my man’s Christmas stocking, and so far, each year you’ve loved it (and kept it a secret- thanks for that! 😉 ). it’s become a bit of a yearly tradition here on the blog, and it’s one I really look forward to!

if you’re interested in what I’ve put in his stocking in the past…
here is 2014’s stocking list
here is 2015’s stocking list

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hey friends!

I thought I’d write a little update for all of you who follow along here at the blog so you’ll have the inside scoop into what’s going on this season with me & my little fam, and so you can get excited about some of the great things to come in preparation for Christmas with Untidy Grace! 🙂

1.) the slow transition from fall into winter has blown by in this life season of pure chaos for us. with an emergency room trip for me at the beginning of last month, and then an ER visit & hospital stay (complete with surgery!) for J that bled over into this month, it’s felt like one crisis after another. we’ve definitely been kept on our toes. thankfully, we’ve been loved on by my sweet Holy Yoga family and by dear friends- both here in WA and all the way from the east coast in MD! still, the healing process, mixed with entering my third trimester of pregnancy, with anxiety and exhaustion sprinkled on top has not been fun. (did I put that mildly enough? 😉 ) Continue reading “CHRISTMAS WITH UNTIDY GRACE & LIFE LATELY”


so… you should probably pour yourself a cup of coffee and get cozy for a second.

it’s one of those heart-to-heart, wish-we-were-doing-this-in-person kinda posts. it’s one that I want to chat about friend-to-friend, and let you know that this Holy Becoming thing is so hard and good and just incredible. I want to tell you about all the crazy ways God is real and big and just present here in new ways lately. I want to talk about how wild this journey is and how wonderfully terrible it can be to grow into a more Jesus-like creature, to grow into more of who we’re made to be.

I guess I’ll just jump right in, then.

when I was growing up, I was kind of a doormat.

no, really. I have always had a really tough struggle when it comes to communicating and voicing what I need and want from situations and people.

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I’m a chronic “yes” girl. saying no is HARD. so, for years I would go long periods without saying it, and then suddenly burst into a stubborn fit of “no!” to make up for the pent-up fear and frustration that I had allowed to build. this took its toll on friendships and situations in which I’d end up used and bitter because I’d stayed quiet and small instead of being vocal and brave. Continue reading “HOW PREGNANCY HAS HELPED ME FIND MY VOICE”


last night I sat in bed and cried.

I cried because I’m super hormonal, and I’m sick, and I’m tired of being sick, and I’m scared of a thousand different things.
I cried because emotions are confusing.
I cried because I was little bitter about the fact that my husband works 12-hour days twice a week.
I cried because my brain has been so foggy that I feel like I haven’t actually spent time with him in ages.
I cried because I was being kicked from the inside out, and I want to have this baby, and also I don’t want to have this baby.
I cried because I know myself really well, and I knew there was something off.
I cried because I was sad, and sometimes you just have to be sad for a minute.
I cried because tears heal.

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I’m really, really excited for Io to join our family.

I’m also really, really sad. Continue reading “A SYMPHONY OF LASTS // IT’S OKAY TO BE SAD THAT IT’S NO LONGER JUST THE TWO OF YOU”


today I cried on my way to work at starbucks.

if you’ve been a long-time blog follower, you’ll know that crying in the vicinity of a Starbucks is nothing new for me… but still I feel it is at least not so completely normal, so it still warranted a blog post. yeah, maybe I need to work on the content around here…

I’m sitting here now… chipped polish, hot coffee, no mascara… and thinking over all the things because the past two weeks, while full of wonderful things like fresh lavender and photographing a wedding where I sobbed through the father-daughter dance and nights staying up late eating chip and dip with my mom and hour-long sunset ferry rides, didn’t leave much time for thought or inner-processing, which my little INFP self has been desperately craving.


so today is my first day officially back at work, here on the blog, and I’m literally just so excited. I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited for my life to go back to “normal” (whatever that means), but I’m just so exhausted and wiped out and honestly a little sick from all the overflow of goodness and just ALL THE THINGS, and I’m just… ready.

so it started with the hottest of hot showers (all the praise hand emojis!), and pulling on the coziest sweater and then realizing I was out of mascara.

and then I remembered we have two cars now. well, sort of. let me explain.

we have a friend who, while on deployment, has given us his car to use. which is just AWESOME. sort of.  Continue reading “IN DEFENSE OF THE CLINGY GIRL”


I think I’ve lost count of the analogies I learned by heart in the 2000’s purity culture.

the one I remember most clearly was one in which two pieces of construction paper were glued together.

these two papers, the pink and the blue, represent you and the person you choose to sleep with,” we were told, as we watched the the glue-dampened pages being pressed together and set aside, before we were launched into the same sexist “purity lesson” we’d heard a hundred times before. a few minutes later, the pages were picked back up and violently torn apart, shreds of the blue still left on the pink, and vice versa.

look how disgusting that is? do you want to be like that? of course not! no one does! and no one wants to be with someone like that, either. if you want to marry a man who loves Jesus, you have to make sure you never do something that would leave the pieces of another person’s heart in you, or else no good man would want to pursue you. a good man only wants a pure woman.

honestly, just thinking about that makes me angry now. just thinking about it makes me sick.

I sat and listened to these purity talks and every year it was the same. and every girls’ small group was so uncomfortable… it was assumed that for me as a woman, the waters of biblical purity that I must wade, went no deeper than what I wore and how often I ventured further than a side-hug and how well I controlled my unruly and over-dramatic girl feelings.

and I sat there, full of life and passion and love to give and thought “I have to stifle all of this.” Continue reading “DEAR CHURCH, YOUR PURITY CULTURE IS SHAMING & SEXIST”

10 ways to embrace the homesickness

I’m homesick.

and by that I mean… like, killer homesick of doom. that’s not even proper grammar. I don’t even care. but really, guys, it’s no joke. and the thing about homesickness is… you can’t fight it. it doesn’t work. it will only come back with a vengeance and leave you crying into your popcorn during a FRIENDS marathon. (no, that’s never happened to me, why do you ask…?)

the only way to get through it, is well, to go THROUGH it. which sucks, sure, but embracing the homesickness and owning it for what it is, is much better than trying to power through and continue to get beaten down.


so, for what it’s worth, 10 ways to embrace the homesickness. Continue reading “10 ways to embrace the homesickness”

moriah currently // family surprise & moving update

J and I have a surprise for you!

over the past two months, as so many things have been up in the air and so many changes have happened (and are still happening!), divine Love decided we needed yet one more…


yep… we’re having a baby! Continue reading “moriah currently // family surprise & moving update”