what I’ll miss

Joey & I are officially moving. To Washington state.

I’ve written a lot about wanting to move over the past year or so. It’s been a hard year, and many of you have had a front row seat to all of it through this blog. There’s been so much emotional trauma, so much pain, so much growth, so many unexpected little joys.

Lately I’ve known we’re ready for this. It’s time. But I forgot something. You can be ready, and it can be time, but just because you’re ready doesn’t mean it won’t hurt like hell. Just because it’s time doesn’t mean it won’t be the hardest thing you’ve ever done. And the two feelings- that elation & fierce loss- will war within you.

and it sucks, y’all.

and I’m all “is this seriously what it’s like to adult? because I am out.” and then I remember there is no “out”, and I’m just gonna have to live this year 22, and I remember I have an awesome hubby and Jesus on my side. and guess what? yeah, it’s still hard.

couple.jpg

so, just as I’ve let you into the hard parts of my waiting, I’m letting you into the hard parts of our going. of our obeying. of our picking up and moving. 

so… in a non-exhaustive list, here’s what I’ll miss.

1.) long, late saturday nights staying up talking with my mama
2.) worshiping barefoot in church
3.) these people here that I love so dearly…
4.) being besties (aka the “groupie”) with the worship band
5.) living less than an hour away from my best friend
6.) hearing my dad preach every sunday
7.) being near family
8.) chick fil a sweet tea
9.) the place where so much heart work happened
10.) my photography network
11.) our small group
12.) weekly chat time/mentorship with my girl Courtney
13.) new friends
14.) listening to the worship team practice in a tiny room as I drink my coffee
15.) my local doctor
16.) family dinners
17.) my siblings being so nearby ❤
18.) donut connection
19.) the amazing ladies in my holy yoga classes
20.) our starbucks & chick fil a knowing my order

wherever you are, and whatever change is washing over your world, know this… you have a right to mourn your losses. you have a duty to yourself and to the care of your soul to weep for the goodbyes before you wholeheartedly embrace the hellos.

whether that looks like journaling, or grabbing coffee with a soul sister, or showing up with a five-shot venti macchiato already coffee-buzzed, or sobbing hysterically  through sunday service, it doesn’t matter. (I generally end up choosing the mostly publicly humiliating way to do this. you’re not alone, I swear.) just do it. breathe it in.

let the heartache do its cleansing work.

and then exhale. then dry your eyes, and put some teabags on those swollen & puffy parts. take an advil for the coffee headache, and slide the pen aside. walk out into the wide, new open of change and embrace it. and if, at a point, you must retreat and drink more coffee and cry more tears, do it.

and someday the retreats won’t be so frequent. and someday they won’t be at all. ❤

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