Softening your inner voice // how to be kind & firm with your heart

Well, guys, I’ll be honest with you. Today is not me at my personal best.

I mean, I guess that getting less than three hours of sleep (I love you little girl, but the insomnia you give me is a different story…) will do that to a person. I haven’t showered, I ran out of makeup halfway through doing my face, I’ve snapped at my husband twice this morning (sorry Sweetheart! I love you!), *almost* lost control of my breath and spiraled over things outside of my control, my toe is all bruised from running into a chair leg, and I’m decently sure that my hair is about 97% dry shampoo at this point.


Any ladies been there? Yup, raise that hand WAY up there.

It’s days like these where my guard is down, my heart is vulnerable, and my stance shaky. It’s these moments where it’s easy to go “oh, real genius move Moriah. What an idiot.” every time I screw up (which is a lot of times, by the way). It’s easy to lose my voice and replace it with this judgemental, mean, nasty one that feels like an uninvited, far too intimate, stranger- constantly condemning me… And others.

It’s days like these where it’s hard to say “No! Enough! I’m not going back to that bondage!” It’s hard to fight back when you’re already worn down. And yet, wonderfully and beautifully and the hardest thing of all… It’s days like these where we HAVE to fight back.

These are the important moments. The defining ones. These are the breaths that decide if you will choose to carry on and continue to bravely become, or if you’ll shrink back, allow your voice to be stolen, become a victim of your own subconscious.

Fight, sweet friend!

But how?

Glad you asked🙂

Softening your inner voice

1.) be kind with yourself. You can’t fight fire with fire. You can’t fight the thing trying to convince you you’re less than if you stoop to being less than to combat it. Be kind with yourself, for heaven’s sake. Give a little grace- a little praise when you find a small victory, a little gentleness when you stumble. The becoming takes time.

2.) be firm with yourself. Don’t make excuses for backing down. Do not surrender your voice without a fight. Do not allow the precious territory of your heart to be plundered. Be kind always, but be firm as well. To yourself in the battle, and to others who invite you to participate in the things you’ve fought so hard to be free from.

Be a little softer. Be a little kinder. Stand firm.

I’m with you today.

seasons of building

*GIANT SIGH*

pull up a chair, friend. pull up a chair, and grab that cup of coffee. yeah, the mugs are in the cabinet beside the sink. there you go. coffee is in the corner… yeah, there you go. cream and sugar beside it. oh hell, grab the whole pot and bring it over- you’ll want a refill; we’ll be here a while. because there’s some crazy kind of changing going on over here.

have you ever had a season where the foundations of the things you’ve built start to crack and crumble, and doors that you thought to be wide open get slammed right in your face as you try to walk through them… leaving you startled and a little bit stung? have you ever had to face the fact that the way you thought you were called to something, isn’t the way you’re supposed to live out that calling? it sucks, y’all.

and in the wake of all the doors being slammed and all the confusion and all the crazy-what-now? I’m forced to turn away and look out across this huge plane of possibility. Possibility where God says “okay, I’m leading you out into the wild, the rich and full unknown, into the places you didn’t think you were capable of going, the journeys you didn’t think you were capable of walking.” and I’m over here like “HUH? this makes no sense. what you called me to is over there, behind that door that my face just got smacked with.”

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no. no it isn’t.

here’s the thing- my calling is everywhere. it’s in every situation and person I meet, and it takes the shape of something different than I assumed (assuming things is dangerous when it comes to Jesus, y’all.)

because my calling is myself. let me explain. my calling is knit into who I am. it will always be there. I can’t lose it or misplace it among the other thousand things that catch my attention or wound me. I can’t forget it somewhere or somehow miss it. it’s right there, waiting to be utilized in the way I speak, the way I love, the way I reach out and respond. and so the way it looks is wherever I am and whoever I am now. the way it shows itself is how it needs to in each moment to be used and given to the world.

and so I am in this space of sweet, sweet commune with Jesus (and, let’s be real, some pretty intense impatience) where I get to say “so where am I? who am I? how does this look for me? how should this calling grow with me? how should I speak it and live it? how do I put this out into the world in a way that is who I am and who You are?”

and what’s better? the calling is all about rebuilding. it’s all about making new and making space for healing.
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and as I explore this new place inside me that Jesus is rebuilding and making new and healing… there are going to be changes all over the place. my career is becoming, just as I am. this blog will change, too, probably, and there will be wild and new things being breathed to life in my journey as I start to sit and meditate in this new space.

so that’s what I’m doing now, friends.

I’m sitting and breathing and waiting and writing and choosing to believe that my smallness is no issue for a BIG BIG GOD who is, Himself, Divine Love. I’m working and digging deeper into Scripture and finding mentors and asking ALL the questions. I’m letting myself be renewed even when it’s frustrating, and be rebuilt even when it’s hard. I’m making these great big strides and then pausing for a while to celebrate the progress and contemplate the future. I’m being gentle but honest with myself. I’m practicing ALL the self care because beginning again makes us humans fragile.

it’s going to be new and scary, and I need you all to get behind me and back me up and pray for me in all this change.
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and, if you feel so compelled, stop by for another cup of coffee❤

menu plan… tuesday?

YOU GUYS.
okay, I’ll calm down.

you guys.
I have something to tell you.

WE GOT OUR STUFF FROM THE MOVING COMPANY YESTERDAY

couldn’t stay calm. sorry (not sorry).
after almost three weeks without many of the things that make home feel like, well, home, the movers finally arrived, and our stuff is finally here.🙂 and because I’m a crazy person and my life has been mostly in boxes for about a year, all but five boxes have been totally emptied, many a happy dance has been performed, and my dishwasher has gotten a workout.

don’t ask for pictures though. empty boxes does not mean tidy house😀

seriously though, it’s practically felt like Christmas. (and you guys know how much I love Christmas!!) wheeeee!!!

so after we had spent a full day as human whirlwinds unpacking and cleaning and loading & unloading the dishwasher, I decided I was just about done with eating out (that’s what three weeks of no pots and pans will do to you). and I’m not gonna lie… the process of creating a menu plan made me virtually giddy.

I’ve missed our weekly food chats, guys.🙂

I won’t show you a normal week (I do actually plan on posting my menus on Mondays again.), but here’s just a little taste (HAHAHA) of what the coming week will bring regarding food. I’m so excited! Continue reading

20 questions: ask the blogger!

Hi all! you’re probably fairly familiar with my face around here.

my face:
(well, I mean most of it. the rest is buried in a coffee mug. which is not unusual.)
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so, I thought I’d try something a little different on here🙂 though you may be pretty familiar with who I am, you may still be wondering a thing or two! sooo….

it’s your turn to interact with me! we’re going to play a little game I like to call Ask The Blogger! you’re going to post your questions in the comments section of this post, and the facebook shared version of this post, and I’m going to answer them in an upcoming blog post!

the questions can be *almost* anything (let’s try to keep it clean, y’all)- I won’t shy away from the tough ones, but the silly questions are always fun, too! I’ve found a few to get your creativity started!

– when was the first time you ______?
– what is a ______you can’t stand?
– do you have a favorite ________?
– what do you like to do in your spare time?
– how do you feel about _________?
– who do you look up to?
-what makes you laugh/angry/cry?
– what are you afraid of?
– how does your mental illness affect ________?

so go ahead! shoot ’em at me! be sure to comment lots, so I’ll have a whole bunch to pick from… I’ll pick 20 and answer them NEXT WEEK!🙂

reading rut? 10 short books of the Bible that are 4 chapters or less

ever been in a reading rut?

in my quiet times, I often read through full books of the Bible over the course of weeks or months. the problem is, sometimes I don’t really think ahead, and then I get stuck when I’m done with one book and don’t know which one to start next. I know I can’t be alone in this!

each of these 10 books is 4 chapters or less; that’s a 2-4 day reading commitment (depending on how you like to study), so you have some time to think about what book you’d like to study next, while still getting in the Word daily.

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if you’re interested in learning how to journal IN your Bible as you read, go here!

for now, here are the 10 super short books of the Bible you can go read right now :)  Continue reading

10 ways to embrace the homesickness

I’m homesick.

and by that I mean… like, killer homesick of doom. that’s not even proper grammar. I don’t even care. but really, guys, it’s no joke. and the thing about homesickness is… you can’t fight it. it doesn’t work. it will only come back with a vengeance and leave you crying into your popcorn during a FRIENDS marathon. (no, that’s never happened to me, why do you ask…?)

the only way to get through it, is well, to go THROUGH it. which sucks, sure, but embracing the homesickness and owning it for what it is, is much better than trying to power through and continue to get beaten down.

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so, for what it’s worth, 10 ways to embrace the homesickness. Continue reading

brutal, belabored BECOMING

I love long chats that have unexpected twists and turns. I love iced tea in the summer heat and the bitter-sweetness of lasts. I love gentle and deep questioning and becoming and adventures of the soul with a similar heart. I love those well-spoken and perfectly-chosen words that soak deep and fast into my spongy heart. I love that I got to drink all of this in this afternoon with a lady who is quickly becoming a fast friend.

here’s the battle, friends:

what happens when you no longer feel able to participate in and subscribe to the things you once did?

when you break out on your own, trek into new spaces, discover the old and glorious truths that never made sense before?

when you unveil the new breath in your lungs to a world not ready for the shining brilliance on your face- like Moses’ face when he came down from the presence of the Lord?

when you are in the constant state of brutal, belabored BECOMING… the place where you are discovering the true design created in you and beginning to feel out this new skin that fits better, gentler, less constricting?

when you finally feel like you belong inside yourself… and suddenly feel like you belong nowhere else?

when you don’t understand how they don’t understand because the revelation and truth is so deeply ingrained in your very soul?

this is for you, sweet soul. I am for you. He is for you.

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in this sweet and soaring transitioning that is allowing you freedom in grace, freedom in personality, freedom to be who you were designed to be without the bondage of self-judgement and condemnation.

this is such a beautiful space- one I’m sitting in. one I’m breathing into. one I’m living and working and learning in.

because your right and your must-do as a child of God is to walk faithfully in who you are called to be… in your own unique design. in your own perfect origin which He so diligently delights in. anything less than living as your full self, in all that you are uniquely and personally crafted to be under His blood, is fake and fraudulent and works-righteousness and an embarrassment of graceContinue reading

what I’ll miss

Joey & I are officially moving. To Washington state.

I’ve written a lot about wanting to move over the past year or so. It’s been a hard year, and many of you have had a front row seat to all of it through this blog. There’s been so much emotional trauma, so much pain, so much growth, so many unexpected little joys.

Lately I’ve known we’re ready for this. It’s time. But I forgot something. You can be ready, and it can be time, but just because you’re ready doesn’t mean it won’t hurt like hell. Just because it’s time doesn’t mean it won’t be the hardest thing you’ve ever done. And the two feelings- that elation & fierce loss- will war within you.

and it sucks, y’all.

and I’m all “is this seriously what it’s like to adult? because I am out.” and then I remember there is no “out”, and I’m just gonna have to live this year 22, and I remember I have an awesome hubby and Jesus on my side. and guess what? yeah, it’s still hard.

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so, just as I’ve let you into the hard parts of my waiting, I’m letting you into the hard parts of our going. of our obeying. of our picking up and moving.  Continue reading

Namaste.

mmmmm. this word, you guys.

for those of you who don’t practice yoga, you may be surprised at how downright biblical this word gets.😉 if I’m being honest, at the core, that’s why I love Holy Yoga so much… the parallels in yoga to so many of the truths in Scripture are startling and eye-opening. “Namaste” is one of those.

I remember in 2011 when I went to India for a missions trip, we would often greet the native people in return with the response of “namaste” or “namaskar”. it’s a common Indian greeting which carries significant spiritual and cultural weight. it isn’t just the word either, it’s nearly always accompanied by the pressing together of one’s hands over one’s heart, and bowing forward gently.

it’s also a word and gesture that in western cultures has been contorted, or is just said by heated yoga-practicing white girls because that’s what their teacher concludes class with. (sorry.) if we’re honest, most of us (even some of us who do practice yoga) don’t know what this word means.

online Yoga Journal defines it this way: “The gesture Namaste represents the belief that there is a Divine spark within each of us… The gesture is an acknowledgment of the soul in one by the soul in another.

so here’s the thing. while, as Jesus followers, we certainly don’t believe that we ourselves are divine, we do believe that we are made in the image of God, or in other words, carry the signature of the One true Divine in the very core of who we are as humanity. this is why tragedy is tragic. this is why loss of life is so terrifying. (more on that here.)

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how often do we forget this? how often do we allow careless words and judgement to come between us and others, forgetting Jesus’ words that “whatever you do for them, you do for me.” (paraphrased) how often do we treat our fellow humanity like nuisances to be ignored or creatures to be judged?

how often would we do this if we truly remembered that they are Image-bearers? how often would we sin against one another if we constantly acknowledged the Divine spark, the Image of God in the faces of those we interact with?

Namaste is our reminder that we have all been created in His image, that we are all walking resemblances of our Creator, however tainted and torn it has become. Namaste is the word that brings us back to the basic belief that God so loved the world… and that we are called to do the same. Namaste is the gesture that nudges us to make ourselves low, to humble ourselves because we all bear the same image, and none of us is better than another.

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So when your next class ends, and the teacher bows her gentle “Namaste”, look around you and soak in His image. look around you and walk in love towards humanity. look around you and be gentle in love and firm in truth and bold in your very soul because you bear the image of the Divine.